10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
