my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize