I wish you could order shots online.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
