Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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