OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
