I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
