ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
