Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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