I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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