Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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