I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
