its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
