After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
