wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
