So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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