He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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