When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Small penises have feelings too.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
