and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
