And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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