Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
