There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
