so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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