Too much gin, very little bucket
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
