Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she smelled like a LAN party
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
