You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
