your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize