Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
