that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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