Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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