Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
