I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
