It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
