You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
