And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
