Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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