I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
