I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize