My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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