the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
