It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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