So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
