there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
