i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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