oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
