see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
They took my balls.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
