At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
