I love black thongs
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
