The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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