yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
