I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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