My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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