i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Houston, we have a blender
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
