I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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