The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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