you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
