and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
