Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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