it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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