Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
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