DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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