New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
