I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
