So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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