In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All I want is dick and wine.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize