i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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