so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
