Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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