It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
