i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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