You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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